The fourth quarter
Exploring the roots of fatigue that recently had me in a funk.
Every basketball practice and shooting session I’ve seen and been a part of ended with free throws.
The kind I loved in my youth and found most beneficial were those that followed a strenuous workout, one that left my lungs empty and my legs feeling like jello. Only then would the mind games begin.
As I would stand at the foul line readying to shoot a set of 10 or close us out by sinking a pair, a coach, teammate, brother or friend would go to work. They would throw me into the center of an imaginary contest’s most crucial moment. It was all up to me. The game’s outcome was in my hands.
“It’s the fourth quarter. We need these free throws.”
“It’s the fourth quarter. How bad do you want it?”
“It’s the fourth quarter. These are for the championship.”
The routine was designed to rattle me. To test my mettle. To discern if, in a pressure-packed moment, I would melt or rise to the occasion.
Two weeks ago I shared that I had fallen into a funk. I’m pleased to report my stay was short. I felt better by the time I finished the column in which I conceded my fatigue. It’s why I believe in journaling.
I even listed some of the reasons why my mood soured. But I stopped there. I had failed to truly understand the roots of my fatigue. But over the weekend, it came to me.
“It’s the fourth quarter.”
We’re nearing the year’s halfway point, but I’m closing in on the one-year mark of my metamorphosis. My car trouble that made me reevaluate my relationship with money happened in mid-August of last year. My first stock purchase, the moment that marked my dedication to becoming smarter with money, was Sept. 26.
“It’s the fourth quarter.”
I should be tired. But I’ve been training for this my whole life. The only difference is the game I’m playing now doesn’t end. This race is not timed, and there is no final horn calling for a conclusion, with a winner and a loser.
I knew what I was signing up for. In my introductory column, I wrote that it will take sacrifice, discipline, patience and an insatiable appetite for learning to get where we’re going. I’ve got the discipline down. I’m devoted to sacrificing and studying.
My problem, the real reason for my fatigue, is impatience.
Becoming intentional with my money and changing my behaviors for the better grew easier each day after I realized the life-altering benefits. But the more aware I’ve become, the quicker I’ve tried to button up all my liabilities. And the more I study, the more I discover how much I do not know. It’s that vicious cycle that has pushed me to the brink of exhaustion.
I consume so many books, articles, podcasts and videos on financial literacy that it’s hard to not want more immediately. I’m not comparing myself to anyone else. I just feel like there’s so much to do in what feels like so little time. That overwhelming feeling is compounded by the fact I’ve never done many of the things on my to-do list and don’t know who to turn to. But I’m figuring it out.
I stumbled upon a clip from an interview with late rapper Nipsey Hussle that describes my situation. It reminded me that I’m not going through anything most successful people must endure, and that I will be wiser after going through the experience.
“My mentality when I do start to be like, ‘Damn, this is a lot,’ (is) that’s what it’s supposed to feel like if you are going toward what the vision looks like,” he said. “Then that’s, like, greatness. This (expletive) ain’t supposed to feel comfortable. It’s supposed to be uncomfortable. It’s supposed to stretch you. It’s supposed to be a burden to a degree. You gotta wrap your mind around that and accept it and embrace it. And you catch some wisdom off of that.”
I’m being stretched in ways I never considered. I’m a career sports writer who now must navigate growing my own company. I’ve graduated from free throws to finance, from analyzing box scores to balance sheets.
Since falling into a brief funk two weeks ago, however, I’ve learned to slow down. Everything on my to-do list doesn’t need to be done at once. It’s impossible to do so anyway so I might as well not stress.
But I will rise to the occasion. I’ve been preparing for the fourth quarter my whole life.